connie_maheswaran: (HUGS)
connie_maheswaran ([personal profile] connie_maheswaran) wrote in [community profile] crystalclods 2015-11-20 04:33 am (UTC)

No, actually, its all right. From someone who used to be by herself for a long time back home, I sort of get it.

Your situation is worse of course: I didn't have power, and I definitely didn't an overly inflated opinion of myself, no offense. It was sort of the opposite. I liked to read, sure, and I liked quiet things like watching the boats come to dock, or the fishermen doing their usual work, and I could let my mind go and dream about different places and people, because it the opposite of my own life. In my life, people leave me alone and don't talk to me, and my parents expect me to be someone refined and smart and talented. Between those two things, I always just sort of thought I was a boring person no one wanted to hang around. That's why I still get nervous when I have to perform in front of people, or be the center of attention. I keep waiting for people to tell me to get out, go away, because I'm not interesting, my existence is just...there.

That changed with Steven, and even more here. I got to know a lot of people here, I got to be without my parents and sort of breathe on my own! Even though Mr. Universe looks out for me, I like to do things myself: so the decisions I make are my own, and I can mess up or be successful by my own hands.

I'm glad you found people that care about you in Mayfield. I hope you find them here too, along with something to fight for.

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